Day 7, Love Believes the Best: She Said, He Said

The Appreciation Room, The Depreciation Room

Make 2 lists, one with positive things about your spouse, and another list with negative things about your spouse. Once completed, hide the lists to be used at a later time, and thank your spouse for one of the things on your list.

She Said: Jenn's Journal Entry Day 7

Which list was easier to make? For me, the positive list was easier to make. I take this as a good sign! It was much more difficult to come up with negative things, but there were a few. I took this challenge seriously and really put a lot of thought into it.

What did this reveal about your thoughts? After reading the devotional with Steve, discussing it with him, and then making the lists in private I realized something profound. I realized that if I were making the lists about ME, it would be easier to write negative things over positive things. It seems I spend more time in the Appreciation Room when it comes to my husband, yet when it comes to me I tend to hang out more in the Depreciation Room.

There are still a lot of old issues from the past I am still dealing with. Each day, each year the past becomes less a part of me, of who I am today. The negative thoughts of others that were once very important in my life still come up from time to time. I am still trying to “reprogram” those negative thought processes to more positive thoughts and affirmations about who I am and who I am striving to become. While I am grateful for all the lessons learned, and I realize my past will always be a part of me, I strive to work through and overcome the parts of my past that still affect me today.

What attribute did you thank your spouse for having? For going to work and providing for our family. He really misses being away when he is at work, and let’s us know that he misses us. Yet, he makes the sacrifice and the choice to provide for us so that I am able to stay home with our children. His job right now is not exactly what he would like to be doing, yet he continues to keep on keepin’ on. He also helps me with my business, which really is becoming a great success. We are sowing the seeds together for a financially secure future.

***On a sweet note, my husband printed out a piece of paper, with a construction paper border, and hung it on the outside door. On it he wrote, “Welcome to the Appreciation Room, Where We Appreciate Each Other for Who We are and What We Do”. I am so truly blessed.

He Said: Steve's Journal Entry Day 7

Which list was easier to make?

The positive list, most Definitely. She has so many positive attributes they far outweigh the small negative ones that I consider to be just really aggravating to me; the kitchen dishes, laundry, getting on the computer every five minutes, etc, but like I said these are really nothing.

What did this reveal about your thoughts?

Let the small stuff stay small and use that time to convey positive thoughts instead of ranting and raving about the little things, it could be worse. As far as getting on the computer, she has to stay on top of her work.

What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?

A sincere heart and her beauty.

Day 6, Love is Not Irritable: She Said, He Said

We are still onboard with our Love Dare. Do you ever notice how when you are trying to do something worthwhile, something happens? Life gets more hectic and chaotic? I feel like it is the devil trying to get us off track, but then again God could be testing us. Either way, while we may get a bit behind we are in this for the long haul! I have been keeping our journals up to date.

She Said: Jenn's Journal Entry Day 6

Where do you need to add margin to your life? I need to take more time for myself, to get away for a bit and to relax and regroup. I am always going and going, putting myself last. A struggle for me is putting myself first. While I coach other women to do this, I too have to work at it.

Thankfully Steve supports me needing some me time. He and I sat down and wrote out a schedule for March. His schedule varies from week to week, but he gets his schedule for an entire month. Seeing how it is impossible for me to work and balance caring for the kids while I do it, he has agreed to me having set work hours while he cares for the little ones. I have also decided to take more time off on the weekends. It has really helped put things into perspective for me. By scheduling time to work, time to do housework, family time and the like, I feel less overwhelmed and less guilty about taking some time for me. I do still need to go bra shopping!

When have you recently overreacted? Having a newborn, 2 toddlers and a tween, and going through PPD, when have I not? Just kidding. Seriously, I tend to overreact more with the kids then with Steve. Right now I am concentrating on doing the Love Dare for my marriage, but I see how I may need to go back through it again with my children as the focus. For me, taking on the Love Dare as a wife and parent would have been too overwhelming, too many changes trying to take place I would have probably given up!

What was your real motivation behind it? Feeling overwhelmed, feeling sorry for myself (the poor poor Jenn syndrome, I call it), being selfish. I hate housework. HATE it. However, through the Love Dare challenges, my focus on the housework is beginning to shift, that I should do it more out of love for my family, not out of resentment. I may never be Molly Maid or be a clean/neat freak, but I can do better in this area, and I am. I procrastinate. I am actually finding more joy in housework since I am no longer viewing it from a self-centered perspective, but as an act of love. It is causing me to stay more on task and to be more productive, less irritable and less overwhelmed. This is an epiphany, my friends!

What decisions have you made today? To practice what I preach, try and leave the do as I say and not as I do motto behind me!

He Said: Steve's Journal Entry Day 6

Day 6, Love is Not Irritable

Where do you need to add margin to your life?

I need to add some quality time with all of my family members, together as a group and on an individual basis. Jenn needs more time on the computer to work her business, Bry needs to ride her bike she got for Christmas, Abs and Sarah need to have more bath time with Dad, and Chase needs to eat and diaper changes. Me time will come sooner or later with fishing and hunting.

When have you recently overreacted?

I sometimes get frustrated with the two younger girls screaming at the top of their lungs. I am always finding something Bry does that just sends me over the edge. For instance, drinking soda for breakfast or cutting the shower curtain with a razor.

What was your real motivation behind it?

Sodas aren’t cheap these days and when I want some, there is none to drink. I will do better.

What decisions have you made today?

To try and not be so hard on Bry, Abs, and Sarah. Jennifer, well I’m always going to be hard on her, just kidding, I will try not to be so sarcastic towards her.

Day 10: Love is unconditional, unless...

It's been hard to get back on track here after dealing with the kids being sick, but I swore I was going to stick with this, so here's to making a concerted effort to stay on task!

I have been dealing with PMDD for the past couple of days and have really noticed a drastic change in my behavior, especially my irritability. My fuse has been pretty short and I have been pretty rough on the kids and I even have snapped at Steve a couple times. I think he is especially disappointed--he's been enjoying having the kinder, gentler Suzi around.

An example of my stellar behavior happened this morning when I was packing lunch for the kids. I made the mistake of asking them what they wanted. Well, Max was saying "cheesy puffs," so I thought he meant cheese puffs. I grabbed the bag of organic Cheetos and he just screamed, "No!" So, then I got Cheetos crunchy and he screamed, "No!" again. I just kept yelling at him, "What do you want? What do you want?" and he was crying and saying, "Cheesy puffs." I took the bag of Cheetos and threw them on the counter and they bounced right off and hit Sophie on the head. I finally got it out of him that he wanted that nasty Puff 'n Corn, but not without a lot of tears and screaming. What a jerk I was. I think I need to revisit some of the earlier challenges.

This isn't even what I set out to write when I sat down at the computer, but there it is. I guess I view this as my Confessional where I'm truly held accountable for my actions...so, back to the topic at hand. If love is unconditional, then I guess I should not place conditions on my behavior just because I may not be feeling 100 percent. For example, I will be kind and loving unless I am premenstrual, in which event, anything goes.

Pretty crappy logic.

I am lucky that the kids are too young to place conditions on their love for me or I fear I would have lost them by now. If I continue down this path, they are going to learn these behaviors and I don't want that for them. I want theirs to be a happy, loving, innocent existence for as long as possible. I've got to step it up here and get back on track for the sake of my kids, as well as my husband.

So as my friend, Angie, did recently, I am declaring a do over. Tomorrow I will do something special for everyone in the family--something that shows them I love them just because and not unless...

Suzi's Love Dare succumbs to stomach bug

Just wanted to post to let you all know I am not slacking! While on our mini-vacay to Great Wolf Lodge last week, our youngest was taken ill by the nastiest stomach bug. One by one it has been picking its way through the family. I put the Love Dare Challenge on hold until we are all feeling better and I can concentrate completely on the task at hand. I am happy to report after a rocky start to our trip, which included a lot of yelling at the kids to get packed and go potty before our four-hour car trip, we had a great time (that is up until the stomach bug took over). I will resume the challenge tomorrow!

Love is not irritable, day 6

Today's dare required you to look at your life and figure out how to marginalize your stressors and react in love to tough circumstances.

It talks about how selfishness can take other forms, such as: lust, bitterness, greed, and pride. Out of this list of 4, I know that I have an issue with bitterness. I hold onto things and let them leak out when the smallest thing sets it off. I sit and I stew. I can hold onto things for days before either finding a way to let it go or go off. Right now I know that most of my emotions stem from my struggle to find a job. I just never thought I would have a problem finding a job in education. I feel helpless and I know I could do more about my situation. I have to make filling out job applications a number one priority. Since starting the Love Dare, I have tried to not hold onto things if they are not important. The most recent outburst has been in response to Aaron saying something about me needing to work out. He doesn't think it is fair that he is trying and I am not doing anything. I know that I need to be losing some weight and I have, but only because I have cut back what I eat. (Portion size, eating only when hungry, cutting back on soda) Aaron has tried different tactics to get me motivated and I have not responded to any of them. It finally came to a head the other day. Ultimately, we came to an understanding and now I just need to start doing some sort of exercise each day.

Things I can do to help my stress:
1. Wake up at a more "normal" time and go to bed at a decent time.
2. Getting exercise.
3. Prioritize and stick to it.

Update on Day 5

I know it has been a while... I have literally taken a week off from the dare. At first it was out of a change of schedule, but then it has been very hard to pick this back up. But I must put it back as a priority.

Day 5 had you asking your spouse to list 3 things that you do that irritates them. Well, it has taken me several days to get him to even list 2. I am not sure if he is just nervous to tell when things are going good, because normally he would be more than happy to let me know what I am doing wrong.

His list:
1. You know how to push my buttons, and you chose to push them when you know you shouldn't.
2. Your indecision.
3. TBD

We are not allowed to explain or defend. The first one bothers me, but I have to wonder if I truly, purposefully do push his buttons. Most of the time when I set him off, I am clueless as to why I am all the sudden in trouble... so I am just not sure how to handle this. As far as my indecision, I can work on this for him and us. I do this with my friends too. I realized about a month ago that I needed to start making some more decisions... mostly I am very indecisive about what to eat or cook for every meal.

I really don't know when I may ever find out what would make his #3... although I know he doesn't like my burping. This is something I did while dating and I personally don't see the issue. I have, however, started working on controlling this a little better.

Angie's Journal: Day 7 (Yay!!)

Today's Dare talked about 2 different rooms we hold inside: The Appreciation Room, and the Depreciation Room. The challenge was to find out which room we are spending more time in.

We were told to take 2 pieces of paper. One the first sheet, we were to spend a few minutes writing down the positive things about our spouse. On the second sheet, we were to list the negative things about them.

My positive list about Gene was lengthy. In fact, it covered the entire front and back of the page. I really am so lucky to have him in my life. I won't bore you with the entire list, but some of the things listed included the following:

• Patient
• Kind
• Hard working
• Genuine
• loving husband and father
• quick to forgive
• thoughtful
• humble

Then, it came time to write the negatives. It took me FOREVER to come up with any thing. I really, really struggled to write this list.

I ended up listing 2 things. And they are silly little things at that.

We were then supposed to thank our spouse for something on the positive list later in the day. While he was at work this evening, I sent him a text message and thanked him for being so hard working. He always gives his all, and I'm proud to be his wife.

Now to hide the lists and see what's in store for them!

Love is Not Rude, Day 5: She Said, He Said

The Dare: Ask your spouse to list 3 things about you that make him/her uncomfortable or irritated, without attacking or justifying your behavior.

She Said: Jenn's Journal Entry Day 5

I am a bit behind on posting updates. Hoping to get caught up soon. Being 6 weeks postpartum with baby #4 I tend to forget I can't keep up my regular pace. At least not yet. But I have hope, this Mama WILL get her groove back! That said...we have been doing our Love Dare:

Steve shared with me the following 3 things. One I knew he would list (#3), the other two surprised me. I'll list them in the order he gave me, but he said they were not listed in any particular order.

1. I procrastinate on doing things for myself. I never find time to go shopping (like to buy a bra I desperately need), or to take some time away from the house to just go to the library, to read, relax and get away from it all for a bit. I need to do more for me.

2. I do not dry off completely when I get out of the tub, always in a hurry, and end up leaving wet footprints in my wake.

3. I do not keep up with the laundry and dishes on a daily basis. Piles of laundry and dirty dishes in the sink REALLY irritate him.

*DEEP breath* I did not validate or justify my actions. I could, but I won't. I just listened. I am really improving in that area. I plan on making time for myself more of a priority, even if I have to schedule it and put in on my to do list to get it done. I have been taking more time when I get out of the tub and drying off completely instead of jetting out of there like the house is on fire. I am desperately trying to do better with the laundry and dishes. My husband is not a neat freak, and is pretty understanding, and he is right there is much improvement needed in this area.

Trying to find balance is such a difficult challenge for me!

He Said: Steve's Journal Entry Day 5

Day 5 – Love is not Rude

My wife has requested that I try to do better in the following areas…

1. Don’t change the subject – Jenn likes to talk about things that are on her mind even though I don’t want to talk about it till the cow’s come home. I say my piece and move on to the next subject. Remedy? I need to spend a little more time discussing issues/comments with her to know that I do care (I do care I just get the important parts, put them on my brain and move on. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it type of mentality).
2. She says I’m to hard on our oldest daughter, age 12. Don’t drink soda’s for breakfast is a good example. I have told Bry not to drink sodas for breakfast but she does anyway! What? Is that disrespect or she just can’t find anything else to drink in the fridge? I think it is the first one. It’s not just the soda’s I realize this, it is other things too. Remedy? I will try not to fuss at her about the little/petty things; I need to try to keep in mind that she could be doing worse things.
3. Snoring – WWWWHHHHAAATTT???? I do feel bad that I snore and Jenn can’t get any sleep, but what am I supposed to do? Remedy? I’ve tried the breathe strips, didn’t work. Could try it again. Talk to my doctor about it on the next visit. I’ve tried to get Jenn to go to bed and fall asleep before I come to bed but here lately that doesn’t happen. My sweet wife stays up with Chase and then comes to the sound of a freight train(so she says), speaking of snoring, I think I’m going to bed now. Have to go to work early tomorrow morning. SORRY. 143! These are the things I will work on!
   

Angie's Journal: Finally moving on!

I did it. I went one whole day without over reacting or freaking out. I bit my tongue so many times today that I actually drew blood, but I did it. I was understanding, patient, and reacted with love.

YAY!

It was not easy. I wanted to lash out several times. But, I didn't. I kept my cool and was understanding.

Ashley even asked me today if something was wrong. When I asked her what she meant, she said, "You've been so nice today."

SIGH. Nothing like your 11 year old making you realize what a jerk you've been. I want more days of her thinking that I'm nice. No more mean Mama. That's my goal.

I can finally move on. Looking forward to starting Day 7 tomorrow! :)

Angie's Journal: Still Stuck on Day 6

They say what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. I am going to be one strong woman by the time I complete day 6 successfully.

I failed again today. Gene had to stay late at work this morning. They were down 4 people last night, so I knew he would be late coming home. He called around 9:15 to tell me he was on his way, but he had to take one of the guys he works with home first.

He finally walked in the door at 10:30. That was well over an hour after when he said he left work. Rather than be understanding, I flew off the handle. I sarcastically asked him if Heath lived in Florida, since it took him so long to get home.

SIGH. WHY is this so hard? Why do I react the way that I do to the dumbest situations?

Tomorrow will be a real test. I have to have Jace to the dentist by 7:45am, then I have to homeschool Zander and Ashley, and then I have to have Parker to the doctor by 3:15. Plus I have to go to the grocery store.

If I don't lose my mind (or my temper) with all that stress on me, than I may just get the chance to move on to day 7.

Wish me luck!!!